Return to Commercialism

Greetings,

Our absence has been long and arduous. Filled with fervor. Fervor, and arduous. Arduous in our fervor, and fervorous in our arduosity.

That being said, let us be the first to welcome ourselves back to fact finding. What we have for today's digest is a series of commercials. That's right, we sold out.

COREY IN LAUNDRY COMMERCIAL(S)

INT. - COREY’S BEDROOM

We see Corey standing in his room.

COREY:I need to do my laundry

There is a magical sound. Corey steps to the side, revealing Mountain Spring Tide Detergent resting atop a stool. We are to believe that it has appeared from no where.

COREY: Mountain Spring...

Corey opens the top and takes in the scent. The scene shifts, and Corey is now standing amidst a mountain scene, with a spring running through it.

OMNISCENT NARRATOR: Tide bleach will make your clothes smell of a beautiful mountain spring

Corey can be seen walking along the spring. He comes to a stop.

COREY: ...How will I get home?

END

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INT. - COREY’S BEDROOM

Corey is standing in his bedroom.

COREY: I need to do my laundry...again

Another bottle of Tide magically appears on a stool behind Corey. This bottle reads Tide, Crisp Glacier.

COREY: Crisp Glacier...

Corey opens the bottle and he is next seen standing in an arctic terrain, atop a glacier. Corey notices someone nearby

COREY: ...Jesus?

Corey takes in the sight of Jesus, stereotypical in white robe. He is adorned with a sash of grenades, and he carries a laser pistol, of sorts.

JESUS: Corey, welcome to the war
COREY: How do you mean? The war against stains?
JESUS: You could say that

Corey notices something over Jesus’ left shoulder. He moves past Jesus to get a look at it. Corey stares out across a valley, strewn about with laundry. The jagged edges and walls of the valley are littered with shirts, pants, socks, underwear, etc. Corey takes this in. Jesus turns.
Corey and Jesus are now in the valley itself. Corey studies the laundry up closer, and notices that the valley is also littered with blood. Pools of it, as well as stains on the laundry.

COREY: Is this what happens in my washing machine?
JESUS: In most cases. These were the clothes washed specifically with Crisp Glacier.

Corey moves through the glacial valley a bit. He comes across a teddy bear, laying face up on the ground, amidst a pile of bloody clothes. He picks up the bear.

COREY: ...You are so huggably soft.

Corey closes the teddy bear’s eyelids. He places the bear at the bottom of the clothes pile.

END